Corporal Punishment (whoops, I mean) Discipline in Schools

North Carolina is currently being investigated for its practice of paddling children in school.  Check this out.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB20001424052748704706304575107653593000486.html#printMode

It’s being described as a civil rights issue.  I think it’s barbaric.  I have a cousin who was left-handed, so was seated next to a radiator on her left.  The idea was she would burn her elbow every time she tried to write with her left hand.  We’ve moved way past hand dominance in our school systems, why can’t we get past hitting children?  Three counties in NC account for the majority of discipline.  Sad.

I understand that children must behave, but the days of “take them behind the woodshed” are far gone.  If hitting is the best way to discipline, why is it prohibited for foster parents to physically discipline even a two-year old running in the street?  Because we have learned that hitting teaches hitting behavior.  Don’t you just want to give a piece of your mind to a parent who slaps a child who just hit his brother, saying, “Don’t Hit!”.  Do we listen to ourselves?

I’ve raised seven great kids without hitting.  It can be done.  It’s harder.  It requires that you think about the child’s actions, motivations, and appropriate response.  Dont’ misunderstand.  I am NOT suggesting permissive parenting.  I AM suggesting that parents who hit wise up.  Two of my children have ADHD.  I will never forget walking into my oldest son’s room near bedtime and saying in a harsh voice, “Go downstairs and get a hot fudge sundae” (his favorite).  He immediately jumped up and started cleaning up his toys.  I stopped him and said, “What did I just tell you?”  He said, “You said I had to clean up and get ready for bed”.  I was horrified.  I had spent his first six years thinking that he was deliberately disobedient.  He wasn’t.  I felt about two inches tall.  Of course I hugged him, explained, and we had that ice cream sundae.  But when another child was diagnosed with ADHD, I knew better, and learned to always get my sons’ attention by calling their name, and having them look in my eyes.  What a difference.

I’ve heard the phrase, “It (Being whipped with a branch or yardstick or belt) was good enough for me, look how I turned out!”.  Well, look!  You haven’t learned that society can progress.  You haven’t learned to thirst for knowledge to give you the best and most promising practices in raising children who will be happy and healthy and contribute to society.  You haven’t learned to look beyond the past.  And most of all, you haven’t learned to view children as people with rights.  You view them as “lesser beings” that can have things “done to them”.  All I can say is “please, come into the promising future!”

This touched my heart

This is from the Indiblu blog:

To be as rich as Olivia

 I planned on writing a little something about an afternoon I recently spent with an assortment of people from Monarch group homes. I planned on sharing little anecdotes about how fulfilling and rewarding the experience was for me and my colleague, Kimber, and how we look forward to doing more. I thought about telling stories about funny things people said and how we laughed more than we had in a long time.

But, when I sat down to write, just one story remained fixed at the top of my mind. It was a conversation I had with a woman named Olivia. You see, Olivia is an exceptional woman who happens to live in a Monarch residential group home for developmentally disabled people. I cannot tell you what her exact diagnosis is – although that part really isn’t important. What I can tell you is that I will carry thoughts of Olivia with me for a very long time.

First of all, whatever her mental capacity, she is beyond smart when it comes to specific details like the members of Hannah Montana’s band, the names of all of the songs from High School Musical, and the call letters and personalities from countless radio stations within our market. Turns out that Olivia isn’t just a fan of music, I have been told that she is also an accomplished musician in her own right. She loves to sing and share with others her enthusiasm for upcoming concerts and shows.

Olivia is petite, with a wide smile and long dark hair. Although her eyes may not meet yours directly, she manages to engage those around her with her quick wit and ability to participate in a conversation about almost anything. By the end of our visit, Olivia was giving hugs and telling stories about places she had been and places she plans to go. She has a contagious zest for life uninhibited by what some may consider her limitations.

As we pulled on our coats and were getting ready to leave, Olivia asked me a question. “Do you know anyone who is poor?” And before I could answer came a second question, “Are you poor.”

 “No Olivia,” I answered. “Why do you ask?”

To which she answered, “Because some people might think I am poor, because I don’t have a lot of things and I might not be as smart as they are. But, I’m not poor because I have love in my heart and I am happy.”

“Then you are perhaps the richest person I know,” I told her and we shared another hug before I left.

It is this conversation that keeps replaying in my head since last week. When I read the news, see another story about our troubled economy, think about my husband who has been working out of town for more than a year to keep his job, worry about my children and their future, and see my pile of laundry or listen to my ailing truck with 145,000 miles, feel like I need a Calgon bath to “take me away”…I think about Olivia. I think about her perspective and her ability to focus on what is important – her loved ones, her Monarch family, her love of music, her ability to connect with people and make them laugh, and her innocence. It makes me wonder, if when she was born her parents had any idea of what her future might be like and who she might be as an adult.  If I were to ever meet Olivia’s parents, I would tell them that they have a lot to be proud of.

Olivia may never realize the impact she has had on my life. I went to Monarch that day to do something nice for others – to help people in my community and do my part. But, I think I benefitted as much as anyone.  I have a perspective that I plan to carry with me and share as much as I can – the “Olivia definition of rich.”  In our world, we could all stand to learn a lesson from Olivia.

The next time you think about supporting an organization by writing a check, I encourage you to go ahead and do so. But, think for a moment about your calendar and see if you maybe you couldn’t spare a couple of hours maybe once every few months. The feeling that comes from giving of yourself can be even more enriching than giving of your checkbook. If we can all do a bit of both, maybe we will all be a little more “Olivia rich.”

Olympic Flowers, Corporate Responsibility, and a recovering athlete

Try this link:  http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/vancouver/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/There-s-quite-a-story-behind-the-Olympic-flowers?urn=oly,220230 

If you are watching the Olympics, you have seen people who win a medal receive a bouquet.  They are made by people who are leaving prison, recovering addicts, or have been victims of violence.  I have enjoyed the focus on diversity in these Olympics, and rather liked this approach, although the bouquets look pretty bland!

And if you watched the Men’s Ski Cross, you heard about Chris Del Bosco who is a recovering alcoholic.  He has been sober for three years.  There was a short vignette about his past and his comments that he hopes to be able to help others.   I hope that people see more and more stories like this because it lets people know that anyone can have a problem, even an Olympic athlete. 

I think the only way to help people learn that mental illness and substance abuse are issues that can hit every family is to continually put the issues in front of people.  What do you think?

The R word

Have you been to http://www.r-word.org/?  It’s a great website that explains that the “r” word, “retarded” is as offensive to people with intellectual disabilities as the “N” word is to black folks.  Many people use these words without thinking.  Someone you think is uninformed is a “r”.  Something that doesn’t make sense, you might say, “that is so “r”".  It’s offensive.  Is it offensive to everyone? NO.  But it’s offensive to individuals with intellectual disabilities.  I can’t think of a single use of the word that is positive, or carries positive connotations.

Recently someone told me that my use of the “c” word “crazy” was offensive.  When I used the word, I meant silly or wacky.  But I used the “c” word, and that lady is recovering from mental illness.  Boy, was I ashamed.  I never set out to offend people, but the word I used was offensive. 

What did I do?  First I apologized.  Then I told everyone I knew what i did, like I’m telling you.  I told everyone that I was not going to use that word again, and that if they heard me say it, they should immediately correct me.  Guess what happened!  The people around me started correcting themselves also.  And if they said it, they corrected themselves in front of me.  Now, a whole group of people I know are no longer using the “c” word, and what’s more, we’ve all started looking at the other words we use.  We may not mean offense, but they are offensive.  So we need to change.

What do you think?  Are there other words you know of that are common words that are offensive?  Let’s all learn together!

Start at the beginning with community support

This is the first post of a new blog that I have titled “Monarchnc”.  I do not have much experience at blogging, so this will be an interesting experiment for me.  I am very interested in seeing other people’s comments, so I really hope those of you reading this will comment back.

It’s Sunday, and I am trying to work on email.  No surprise there.  I love the weekends because I can think about all sorts of things and have time to do it.  One of the emails that I just read was about a NC State CFAC satisfaction survey.  In the survey, a top issue for CFAC folks was to “keep community support”.  I so wish our system was that simple.  Why is it that every thing we do is also political and financial? 

I know that one primary reason for eliminating community support was the public press and the pilloring that the state legislators took over the issue.  So why couldn’t they see that the problem was not community support, but how it was rolled out, and the decisions made as to how to authorize the service?  I get extremely frustrated when I realize that poor providers were allowed to provide the service.  I know that those providers were “endorsed”, “nationally accredited”, and approved by the state.  I also know that when the state tried to eliminate some of those providers, the lawsuits were so expensive it just wasn’t worth it.  So money and politics…

Why can’t people just do what is right for the greater good?